It's been a while since we posted some car jokes. We figured 2020 could use a good laugh, for obvious reasons. We hope a few of these jokes for the automobile lover will make you smile. Enjoy!
Yugo No Go
How do you double the value of a Yugo? Fill it with gas.
Speeding Away
A man buys a sports car and is really beginning to enjoy it when he sees flashing lights in the rear view mirror. He guns it and is rapidly up to 160mph when he realizes what he is doing. He slows down, then pulls over and soon the cop pulls up behind him.
The cop comes up to the window and asks, “What were you thinking, taking off like that?”
“Well,” the man replies after thinking about it for a bit, “a few years ago a highway patrol officer ran off with my wife.” “What does that have to do with anything.” “I thought you were bringing her back.”
Looking at the Bright Side
An extremely rich and famous American sports star was carving up the roads one afternoon in a brand new Porsche. Passing on the right, speeding everywhere, he takes a blind corner at speed and plows into the back of a Hyundai Accent, sending them both spiraling into a ditch.
Both cars are demolished. The sports star hops out of the twisted wreckage of his Porsche, to see an elderly man climbing out of the Accent with a jubilant smile on his face. The sports star asks the gentleman if he’s okay, if he’s in shock. The gentleman raises his arms and says “No! This is fantastic! Let’s celebrate! We’re both alive!” He opens what’s left of his Accents’ door to see a box of Cuban cigars. “What a miracle! Such an impact, and my treasured cigars are okay! Let’s light them and celebrate our good luck!” So the sports star and the gentleman light up, and smoke their cigars. The gentleman looks back inside, and sees his vintage bottle of Scotch and two glasses, and pulls them out. “A toast to us! Such a horrific accident and we made it through without a scratch!” He pours two very tall glasses of Scotch, and hands one to the sports star. They clink their glasses, and the sports star downs his. He looks at the gentleman, standing there with a still-full glass. “Aren’t you having any?” he asks the gentleman. “Oh no, not until the police give you a breathalyzer.”
Wanna Race?
A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car, costing about $250,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped, wearing an open face crash helmet (looking about 70 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?” The young man replies, “A 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. They cost about a quarter of a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do over 200 miles an hour!” states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, “Can I take a look inside?” “Sure,” replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 220 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!” the young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
“Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! The moped plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says,
“You gotta tell me how you got that thing to be faster than my Ferrari !” The old man looks up and replies, “OK..., but first, unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror, will ya?”
Cut The Cheese
I was walking down the street today when tow truck driver pulled up alongside me and said, “Excuse me, I’m looking for the accident site involving a van carrying a load of cutlery.”
“No problem,” I said. “Go straight down this road for 1 kilometer, then take the first left, and when you get to the fork in the road you’re there.”
Don't Try This at Home!
I had an uncle who had the most bizarre fixation back in the day - he would drink brake fluid.
Maybe back in those days it was less toxic than it is today, because he never died of it, but we were always worried about him doing it. I
remember one time my dad told him that he was addicted and needed to cut it out, that it was bad for him.
My uncle replied “Nonsense, I can stop anytime.”
Ha ha ha... we hope you enjoyed these!
Dale
Dale Adams
Author